Animal Cookies

I spread them out

Across the floor.

An empty box,

There were no more.

I looked again,

It wasn’t there;

So what to do,

It’s just not fair.

Instructions plain,

No way to beat them.

If it’s broken,

You can not eat them.

These grownup rules,

Sometimes aren’t real.

I checked once more,

There was no seal!

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And Her Cat Too

Sister’s cat is a real ratfink

No matter what she tries to say,

‘Cause when I make a small mistake

The stupid cat gives me away.

When I broke Dad’s model airplane

And tried to claim that it was her,

She ran and jumped up in Dad’s lap

And won him over with a purr.

Dad said eggs make cats’ fur shiny.

So why waste a good rotten egg?

The stupid cat ran in the house

And rubbed it off on Mama’s leg.

I want to warn you so you’ll know,

My little sister is a brat;

But I will give her to you free

If you will also take her cat.

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Alyssa

Alyssa likes to draw and write. 

She draws weird things 

Both day and night.

She draws funny dogs and people. 

She drew a church 

With no steeple.

She drew Santa, then drew an elf 

And then she tried 

To draw herself.

She wasn’t happy with her art 

And erased it. 

The awful part..

Is that, just as we all feared, 

Erasing it.. 

She disappeared!

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Alphabet Soup

Mom gave me a bowl of soup 

That had a bunch of letters. 

So I spelled out FRENCH POODLES 

And then spelled IRISH SETTERS.

Next I spelled FINNISH LAPHOUND, 

Then even though it was hard, 

Spelled MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA 

And then I spelled SAINT BERNARD.

But when I spelled out HOUSE CAT 

The dogs all tried to get her. 

She jumped out of my soup bowl, 

Chased by a ROSMORE SETTER!

Soup spilled all over the floor 

And made a terrible mess. 

It splattered all down the front 

Of Aunt Lilly’s Sunday dress.

Well Mama’s quite unhappy 

And Aunt Lilly’s kind of sore. 

It seems to me that no one 

Believes the truth any more!

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Alias

My daddy’s not the President,

Or some big famous movie star.

He’s just the mostest ‘portant man

In this whole big old world so far.

Last night I learned he’s Santa Claus;

I really think it’s kind of neat.

I found his Santa uniform

Hidden beneath our window seat.

You think he doesn’t look the part,

Well that is not a big surprise.

‘Cause right beside his Santa suit

Was his Santa Claus disguise.

I don’t know where he keeps his deer,

Or where his Santa workshop is.

But last night when I heard him talk

I knew the voice was really his.

So when we play, you best be good,

And treat me very nice because,

My dad’s the world’s most ‘portant man;

He happens to be SANTA CLAUS!

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Alia’s Coloring Book

There’s nothing that Alia likes
More than to color in her book.
She uses colors that she likes
And never cares how strange they look.

Who made the rules that skies are blue
Or that the grass has to be green?
The horses that she colors pink
Are prettier than some I have seen.

If you’ve not seen a purple cow,
Then you’ve not seen Alia’s book.
Orange dinosaurs, and Teddy bears,
Can all be found there, if you look.

All of those rules about the lines,
That say you must stay in between…
Make no more sense to our Alia
Than those that say grass must be green.

And if you criticize her art,
For colors you think don’t agree,
Then maybe things in grownup land
Are not the same as when you’re three.

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Aidan’s Gun

He came running from the kitchen
His index finger for a gun.
“Bang! Bang! Bang! You’re dead, Uncle Ron!”
He shouted back, still on the run.

“Never point a gun at people,
Just shoot monsters,” Uncle Ron said.
“Okay, play like you’re a monster.
Bang! Bang! Now play like you are dead.”

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Adam’s Underpants

Willy’s grandma liked to press leaves,
In her books between the pages.
She wrapped them up in wax paper
And then left them there for ages.

Willy found one of Grandma’s leaves,
He yelled, “Mom” with a happy shout.
“I was looking through Gram’s Bible
And Adam’s underpants fell out!”

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A Snail at the Zoo

 

I saw a snail
On a log at the zoo,
Traveling quite slowly
As all snails do.

I think that I
Would be slow too,
If I had to carry
My house to the zoo.

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A Present for Aunt Helen

I thought that Aunt Helen 
Was going to throw a fit. 
I didn’t understand it, 
Not one little bit.

I guess I didn’t show 
A lot of love and care 
Last Christmas, when she gave me 
That box of underwear.

I tried to get a gift 
That she would long remember, 
And it’s really hard to find one 
This late in December.

I wrapped the thing up pretty, 
With a bow, for goodness sakes. 
How was I to know Aunt Helen 
Doesn’t like green garter snakes?

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A Little Boy’s Prayer

Lord, I know I’ve not been good,

Sometimes I’m very bad.
Mommy says the things I do
Are sure to make you sad.
That you would make me good;
So if you’ve time to hear my prayer,
Please help me do the things I should.
So if I’ve caught you on the run,
There is no hurry on my prayer
‘Cause I sure am having fun.

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A Kangaroo Came Hopping By

A kangaroo came hopping by,
A heading for the zoo.
I said, “Let me get my pogo stick;
I’ll hop along with you.”

A kangaroo came hopping by,
Singing an Outback song.
I said, “Let me get my new song book,
And I will sing along.”

A kangaroo came hopping by,
Eating an ice cream cone.
I said, “Let me have a lick or two;
You shouldn’t eat alone.”

Guest Poet Contributions:

A kangaroo came hopping by,
That had an awful smell.
It must have eaten refried beans,
As far as I can tell.

(from Ryan, age 41, Citrus Heights, California, USA)

* * *

A kangaroo came hopping by
On a pleasant sunny day
I said, “Let me bring a ball
Together we shall play.”

(from Ruhee, age 6, Ahmedabad, India)

* * *

A kangaroo came hopping by
and said, “Now look at all this snow!
This aint home, but where I am
I guess I’ll never know.”

(From Dolly Twedell, age and location unknown)

* * *

A kangaroo came hopping by
With a big long tail
Every time she took a hop
There was an awful smell.

A kangaroo came hopping by
I heard a little sneeze
There was a baby in her pouch
Eating Limburger cheese!

(From Sandy Snell, age 43, Snook, TX, USA)

* * *

A kangaroo came hopping by,
A scarf wound round her neck
She waved a paw and called to me,
“I’m late for church, by heck!”

(From Margot Finke, Oregon, USA)

* * *

A kangaroo came hopping by
Chased by a Koala bear.
He said, “Come back you giant mouse.
You’re wearing my underwear.”

A kangaroo came hopping by
Wearing a great big smile.
Not far behind crawled his lovely wife.
And her name was Crocodile.

A kangaroo came hopping by
Wearing a purple hat.
A bird flew by and yanked it off
And gave it to the cat.

(From Diane Smit, Ontario Canada)

* * *

A kangaroo came hopping by
at his tether’s end.
Big Red bounced right on up to me
And said, “I’m looking for my friends.”

“Was hopping to the zoo you see,
and they all went on ahead.”
“Have you seen them?
I might just hop home instead!”

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A Dog's Lament

He took a bull and he took a cow.
He took a boar and of course a sow.
He took two dogs and a couple of cats;
He even took mice and a pair of rats.
He took grasshoppers and honey bees;
But why in the world did Noah take fleas?

Wouldn’t it have been nice if we could have personally picked out which animals Noah was to have carried on the Ark? In my case, fireants would never have made the cut.

Scientists are discovering more and more that every living creature has a place in the ecology. Even some mosquitoes are pollinators. I think that it would be difficult, however, to sell a dog on the importance of fleas and when I’m working in the garden, there are several other different types of bugs that I think we could get along without.

In drawing the illustration for A Dog’s Lament, I indicated who the guilty one might have been who smuggled the fleas aboard.

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A B-B Gun for Christmas

I want a B-B gun for Christmas. 
When Mommy asked me why, 
I didn’t tell the truth 
But I didn’t tell a lie.

When I do something bad 
Mommy always seems to know. 
When I ask her how, she says, 
“A little birdie told me so.”

I want a B-B gun for Christmas 
Now don’t you breathe a word. 
The first thing that I’m gonna shoot 
Is that rat-fink little bird.

When I was a boy, long before the days of political correctness, the ultimate gift for a boy was a Red Ryder B-B gun. When you got your first B-B gun you felt you were ready to take on grizzly bears.

After my first day of big game hunting, in Houston, Texas, my mother told me that I had shot things that I shouldn’t have and took my B-B gun away from me for a week. That was one of the longest weeks of my life. When I asked her how she found out, she said that a little bird had told her. Actually, I later found out that she had discovered the dead mockingbird.

In A B-B Gun For Christmas, the little boy has vowed revenge on the little snitch. Children should be taught at an early age that revenge is never a good thing.

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