Basketball's My Favorite Sport

Basketball's my favorite sport.

I dribble up and down the court.

The ball goes bouncing off my toes

and beans the teacher on the nose.

He stumbles back and grabs his nose

and hits the wall and down he goes.

The other players stop and stare.

They've never heard the teacher swear.

With no one playing anymore,

I grab the ball. I shoot. I score.

I love this game! It's so much fun.

The teacher cried, but, hey--we won.

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At History I'm Hopeless

At history I'm hopeless.

At spelling I stink.

In music I'm useless.

From science I shrink.

At art I'm atrocious.

In sports I'm a klutz.

At reading I'm rotten.

And math makes me nuts.

At language I'm lousy.

Computers? I'm cursed.

In drama I'm dreadful.

My writing's the worst.

There's only one subject

I'm sure I would pass,

but they don't teach

video games in my class.

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April Fool's Day

Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion

on the teacher's chair.

Makayla told the teacher

that a bug was in her hair.

Alyssa brought an apple

with a purple gummy worm

and gave it to the teacher

just to see if she would squirm.

Elijah left a piece of plastic

dog doo on the floor,

and Vincent put some plastic vomit

in the teacher's drawer.

Amanda put a goldfish

in the teacher's drinking glass.

These April Fool's Day pranks

are ones that you could use in class.

Before you go and try them, though,

there's something I should mention:

The teacher wasn't fooling

when she put us in detention.

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All My Great Excuses

I started on my homework

but my pen ran out of ink.

My hamster ate my homework.

My computer's on the blink.

I accidentally dropped it

in the soup my mom was cooking.

My brother flushed it down the toilet

when I wasn't looking.

My mother ran my homework

through the washer and the dryer.

An airplane crashed into our house.

My homework caught on fire.

Tornadoes blew my notes away.

Volcanoes struck our town.

My notes were taken hostage

by an evil killer clown.

Some aliens abducted me.

I had a shark attack.

A pirate swiped my homework

and refused to give it back.

I worked on these excuses

so darned long my teacher said,

"I think you'll find it's easier

to do the work instead."

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A Fish in a Spaceship

A fish in a spaceship is flying through school.

A dinosaur's dancing on top of a stool.

The library's loaded with orange baboons,

in purple tuxedos with bows and balloons.

The pigs on the playground are having a race

while pencils parade in their linens and lace.

As camels do cartwheels and elephants fly,

bananas are baking a broccoli pie.

A hundred gorillas are painting the walls,

while robots on rockets careen through the halls.

Tomatoes are teaching in all of the classes.

Or maybe, just maybe, I need some new glasses.

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The Aliens Have Landed

The aliens have landed!

It's distressing, but they're here.

They piloted their flying saucer

through our atmosphere.

They landed like a meteor

engulfed in smoke and flame.

Then out they climbed immersed 

in slime

and burbled as they came.

Their hands are greasy tentacles.

Their heads are weird machines.

Their bodies look like cauliflower

and smell like dead sardines.

Their blood is liquid helium.

Their eyes are made of granite.

Their breath exudes the stench of foods

from some unearthly planet.

And if you want to see these

sickly, unattractive creatures,

you'll find them working in your school;

they all got jobs as teachers.

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Fight

That is the difference between me and you.

You pack an umbrella, #30 sun goo

And a red flannel shirt.  That's not what I do.

I put the top down as soon as we arrive.

The temperature's trying to pass fifty-five.

I'm freezing but at least I'm alive.

Nothing on earth can diminish my glee.

This is Florida, Florida, land of euphoria,

Florida in the highest degree.

You dig in the garden.  I swim in the pool.

I like to wear cotton.  You like to wear wool.

You're always hot.  I'm usually cool.

You want to get married.  I want to be free.

You don't seem to mind that we disagree.

And that is the difference between you and me.

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The Blue Bowl

Like primitives we buried the cat

with his bowl. Bare-handed

we scraped sand and gravel

back into the hole.

                               They fell with a hiss

and thud on his side,

on his long red fur, the white feathers

between his toes, and his

long, not to say aquiline, nose.

We stood and brushed each other off.

There are sorrows keener than these.

Silent the rest of the day, we worked,

ate, stared, and slept. It stormed

all night; now it clears, and a robin

burbles from a dripping bush

like the neighbor who means well

but always says the wrong thing.

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The Summer I Was Sixteen

The turquoise pool rose up to meet us,

its slide a silver afterthought down which

we plunged, screaming, into a mirage of bubbles.

We did not exist beyond the gaze of a boy.

Shaking water off our limbs, we lifted

up from ladder rungs across the fern-cool

lip of rim. Afternoon. Oiled and sated,

we sunbathed, rose and paraded the concrete,

danced to the low beat of "Duke of Earl".

Past cherry colas, hot-dogs, Dreamsicles,

we came to the counter where bees staggered

into root beer cups and drowned. We gobbled

cotton candy torches, sweet as furtive kisses,

shared on benches beneath summer shadows.

Cherry. Elm. Sycamore. We spread our chenille

blankets across grass, pressed radios to our ears,

mouthing the old words, then loosened

thin bikini straps and rubbed baby oil with iodine

across sunburned shoulders, tossing a glance

through the chain link at an improbable world.

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Sidekicks

They were never handsome and often came

with a hormone imbalance manifested by corpulence,

a yodel of a voice or ears big as kidneys.

But each was brave. More than once a sidekick

has thrown himself in front of our hero in order

to receive the bullet or blow meant for that

perfect face and body.

Thankfully, heroes never die in movies and leave

the sidekick alone. He would not stand for it.

Gabby or Pat, Pancho or Andy remind us of a part

of ourselves,

the dependent part that can never grow up,

the part that is painfully eager to please,

always wants a hug and never gets enough.

Who could sit in a darkened theatre, listen

to the organ music and watch the best

of ourselves lowered into the ground while

the rest stood up there, tears pouring off

that enormous nose.

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What to Remember in School

Forget that double four is eight.

Forget the name of each state.

Forget the answers on the take a look at.

Forget that means is east or west.

Forget the myths of ancient Rome.

Forget to bring your books from home.

Forget the words you learned to spell.

Forget to listen to the recess bell.

Forget your homeroom teacher's name.

Forget the outside game.

Forget that team's presupposed to win.

Forget to show your preparation in.

Forget the space to the moon.

Forget what percentage days in Gregorian calendar month.

Forget the capital of France.

But do not forget to wear your pants!

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